WARNING: What you’re about to read contains adult situations, conversation, details, and what some would consider rude, obnoxious, vulgar or down right unpleasant to read.

So, if you are of a weak disposition, in fear of losing your faith due to the detailed descriptions below causing you to sin or are prone to wetting yourself when you hear or see profanity, DO NOT continue to read any further. Consider this fair warning. If you continue reading it’s on you.

Don’t message me later about how disappointed you are with me or thought better of me, etc. It will fall on deaf ears. Love it or hate it, I could care less. (I am also well aware of what reading this blog will do for my chances with “quality” women and I’m fine with that too.)

In January of this year, I got to thinking of how I needed to “get back out there”. However, having spent the better part of the last decade doing my best to repel every skirt within a 100 mile radius I literally had no viable prospects. So, late one night, while sitting in three day old unwashed, chip crumbed, hole riddled whitey tighties, I noticed that Facebook has a dating feature and thought to myself, “Huh, why not?” So I created a profile.

It was easy to set up. The cool thing about it is it’s not connected to your Facebook profile, so no one on your friends list will see it or know that you’ve created it. So, it’s not like suddenly there is an announcement, “Hey! I’m lookin for some y’all! Hit me up!” Nothing like that. In fact, none of your current friends will come up on the app unless they also are using the dating app. It’s simply a fresh pool of potentials that you can leisurely browse through. Which is good, but also kinda bad. With the app being so basic and simple there is literally no way someone can tell how you are on it other than simple text like conversation. No meme’s, no witty comments to read, nothing that shows interests, etc. Very basic.

Having never done anything like this before, I was struggling for a way to set myself apart.

The pic. The pic is a big deal. It’s like the main thing that is going to affect how many “likes” you get. More “likes” the more opportunities to actually have a conversation. You can’t talk to anyone on that app unless and until you’ve “liked” them and they have “liked” you. So, you want “likes”.

At first, I was selective based on their pic. Ya know, to find the “one”. Then I thought, wait a minute, why not take out any and every woman that is willing to go out with me? So, I did. I “liked” women based on their pic and some based on what they said. If I found it funny or interesting, I “liked” them.

Then after going through dozens and dozens of profiles in less than ten minutes, I waited. Fifteen minutes went by. No likes. I’m like, crap, no one likes me? I resigned to my fate of dying alone and went to bed that night drowning in a sea of tears.

When I woke up I had notifications from that app. A lot.

My phone had blown up. So, I started talking. At first, I had no clue how the app worked. What it was capable of. I needed a guinea. She didn’t know she was a guinea at the time and I kinda felt bad about it at first, but the moment she responded with a mutual “like” I sent her at least a dozen random messages and gifs trying to figure out how the app worked. I tried to explain the why, but obviously I came across as mentally ill and she quietly slipped away. (Good on her) After figuring out how things worked it was game on. Before I knew it I had a dozen women I was talking to at the same time. Which, to be honest, was kinda confusing and much more difficult than I had imagined.

My approach was very direct and simple.

I’d simply start by saying, “Hi, how are you?” Then go from there with another question in an effort to get a conversation going. After a few exchanges I’d ask to meet for a drink or dinner. Not fully grasping what I was doing and simply having a bit of fun with it, I basically was setting up dates like I was setting an appointment. (I can book appointments) So, I had a lot. Fast.

Problem was, unlike an appointment, when you “book” women to meet they kinda expect to keep talking to you before the date actually arrives and that simple concept I didn’t quite think of at first. So, I’d set the date, and then disappear to chat up other women.

Which was really weird, cause that’s not something I am accustomed to and they obviously didn’t appreciate, because after four days of no conversation they were like, “Uh y e a h, I’m not gonna make it this weekend after all.” Heart broken as I was to get messages like that I totally understood. Then changed my game.

Talk Jake, you have to keep talking. Anything, say anything. Just. Keep. Talking.

The first woman I met wasn’t from the dating app. I was simply browsing FB, causing mayhem like I do, and caught a glimpse of her on a thread. She was pretty. Smokin fine. Did a quick check of her profile to see if she was single then hit her up. She agreed to meet and just like that I had a date and time to meet a woman I knew absolutely nothing about and had never engaged with before.

The time came and I got ready. Put on a clean pair of underwear and even wore cologne to hide my lack of a shower. My boots…I contemplated not wearing them. But then I thought, Screw it, if she doesn’t like my boots, I’m not gonna like her. So I wore them. (The woman in my last relationship always bitched about me wearing my boots to literally everything. So, that’s the new standard. Don’t like my boots? Step off.)

Sweating. I’m driving to meet this woman and I’m sweating.

It’s 40 degrees outside, I got the windows down and I’m sweating. WTH. I’m like, Just be cool. What’s your problem? You literally meet with people every day. This is no different. No big deal. You’re just talking to her. That’s it. This is easy. Oh god, frickin STOP SWEATING! You’re gonna smell like a shoe when you show up!

So we meet, have drinks, chat, eat some food, have some laughs, ect and we leave. She goes her way. I go mine. Truthfully, I had fun and I liked the conversation. She is definitely a good person. But, I was on a mission and with the ice finally broken, I set up to meet more women like I was getting paid.

I read the profiles. “My kids come first”, “My kids are my life”, and I’m thinking, ya, I get it, you’re a single mom looking for a dad and they’re your life now because you made them your life when they were born and kicked the poor bloke who gave them to you to the curb, which is why you’re now single. Or they got a pic of themselves and their kid, then the rest of the pics are of their kids. For real? I get you have kids, but I’d kinda like to see YOU, ya know what’s behind the curtain of kid pics. Yes, of course you’re a good mom and your kid is so smart! 

“I’m looking for a relationship”….Uh, no shit. But that’ll never happen if you don’t actually talk to people and at some point meet.

Sometimes I would chat fine with a woman on the app and then we’d share our last names. The app is a first name basis only, so your fb profile remains hidden. So we could look each other up on FB. Then, after seeing my wall, they’d bow out. I’d get comments like, “Wow, you talk to a lot of women”, “Uh, you’re a player!”, etc.

Attempting to explain to multiple women that I don’t actually talk to 99.9% of those women that engage on my wall or that when my FB was set up it was a marketing strategy to friend women and I post content that appeals to women to get more exposure for things I want to promote is actually pretty daunting.

Some get it, some don’t. But I get how it can be intimidating. Competition is a thing and women aren’t exactly keen on it. At least, not to the level that is on my wall at times.

One woman I had been chatting with woke up a bit wound up. I could tell by how she was chatting. It was overtly sexual. So, I talked her through it. Sometimes being able to put words on paper is a good thing. And I never go there, unless she goes there. Then I’m all Aces. I can do that. 

One woman came in to kiss me and I acted like a total freak.

Totally panicked and stepped back like she was throwing at me. (It truly wasn’t her, I just didn’t know what was happening and didn’t know how to respond)

Women really want to be liked. That’s what I found to be curious and disturbing. If I didn’t like beer, neither did they. If I liked to go out annually and murder an innocent wild animal, suddenly their PETA membership wasn’t all that serious. And I’m like, ya of course I want to have things in common, but I also want to know who YOU are and I can’t ever know that if you agree with everything I say or like everything I like.

It’s OKAY to have other interest or disagree. Truthfully, I kinda prefer it. Things are a lot less boring, IMO. And ya, I realize that’s not exactly normal, but for me at least it’s kind of a big deal. I just like things to be legit.

Over the course of just over three weeks I went out and met up with 13 different women.

I always let them pick the public place and we took our own cars. Few times I met three in one day. Which was weird. I had to do a quick catch up on what we talked about before I’d walk in and repeat their name in my head over and over so I wouldn’t forget it and say the wrong name. I didn’t meet them all from the using the app.

Creating the profile on the app simply was the catalyst to me reaching out. For years I had spent an ample amount of time telling women that would hit me up that “I’m Allergic”. Turns out, when you’re actually looking to meet up, saying you were allergic is a pretty good conversation starter and they’ll want to get with you.

And so, February is a holiday month. Valentines Day. And I thought, Why spend it alone? So I say, “Hey got any plans for Valentines Day?” and she says, “Nope, spending the day Aloooone!” And I’m like, “Ya? Wanna spend it alone together?” And she’s like, “You’re funny.” And I’m like, “Is that a yes?” And she laughs and says, “Sure”.

And just like that, while everyone else who was single on that day stayed home alone, miserable, and droning on about how much they hated the day, we ate like Kings, laughed, and had a good time. Is there something more there? I dunno. But that was hella fun.

All that to say this:

the Facebook dating app can and will put you in front of people, IF you actually use it. It’s. That. Easy. The only question you really have is, what are you looking for? ‘Cause whatever it is, it’s there. Sometimes you have to work it a bit. I’m not suggesting that you use it the way I did, per se.

Definitely not necessary to meet so many people in such a short amount of time; but you can meet people. Quality people. Most of the women I met with had some endearing qualities about them. Just give yourself a break. The key to using that app is to simply not care.

I know it sounds strange, but the less I cared about how many likes I got, how many conversations I was having, etc. the easier it became. Don’t have the expectation of a full blown relationship with someone if you’re unwilling to meet for a drink or dinner. It’s just not gonna happen.

You’re on the app to meet someone. Meet. I met with 13. I had much more than that who had agreed to meet and for whatever reason we didn’t meet. Sometimes it’s a numbers game. Work the numbers and don’t take it personal.

And with that….Happy Hunting!

READ MORE HERE: yOuR pRiVaCy! 

© Jacob C. Larson 2020 All Rights Reserved