I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent guy. I mean, I’m not the greatest at math, spelling, sentence structure or pretty much anything that requires an accurate analysis of anything. Especially anything involving technology. In addition to pretty much anything that involves acting or behaving a certain way,  like customer service. I suck at that. Tell me I have to wear a uniform and my brain immediately goes into convulsions. Even though, I know, it’ll be in my best interest. That it’ll help me in what I do, I still fail to shave as frequently as I should or wear the “proper” attire for what I do.

Many times I just show up to a scheduled appointment and say, “I’d like to apologize…today I’m a total slob. I haven’t shaved in days, I’m wearing jeans, a t-shirt and I’m wearing boots that aren’t laced. But this was the best I could do today.” For the most part, people are cool with it. No worries. Figure if their not, I can always just leave. But ya, I’ve gotten “the call” about being more “professional” on more than one occasion. I guess I just figure that if they got a problem with the way I dress, we probably aren’t gonna get along anyway and I can definitely just go. I’m not opposed to that. Yes by all means, “punish” me by telling me to go back to my car so I can drive and listen to music.

I’m not a slacker.

 I’m just ambitiously lazy. I like that term. Heard it a few years ago and it totally fits me. I could care less about homes, cars, status, or titles. I work to do stuff. Meet people, travel, and have experiences. That’s what interests me. Lotta people spend there days working to pay off the box they’re living in so they can sell it later and buy a bigger box. And that’s fine. I just could care less about the box or anything that’s in it.

I get called “crazy” a lot. It’s not unlike me to drive for miles to buy a crappy burger, that could be bought local, at the request of a friend. That friend wanted a burger from a specific fast food joint. One that was 200 miles away. He has lots of friends, but he asked me to go, because he knew I’d be in. He’s telling me about this burger and I’m like, I get it, let’s go. So we went.

Sometimes things get broken.

 Not on purpose. Things just sometimes break, or get used to fix something else. Like, broom handles for instance. Those can be cut into dowel lengths and used to brace stuff. You can always buy another handle when the store is open, ya know? (Can’t forget to buy the new handle though. Trust me, that’s bad if you forget.)

If you ever cross and international border, don’t do it during an H1N1 outbreak. Or with no passport, driving a rented Mustang convertible with no insurance. Especially if you don’t speak the language and can’t read any of the street signs. That’s bad. I was lost for over two hours one time because of that and almost wasn’t allowed back into the country. Luckily the woman at the border guard station realized I was an idiot and took pity on me. She laughed a lot…which kinda stressed me out because I was legitimately worried.

Total hopeless romantic.

Those scenes in the movies where the idiot is holding a boom box over his head outside some girls house? Yeah…I’ve done that. I’ve been that guy.

Sometimes things just seem like a good idea at the time or maybe not that big of deal. But then sometimes they’re like…are. I’m not quite sure when that switch happens or what takes place, really. It just happens. And I’m just standing their, going, “Yup, I did that.” I’ll own it. For sure, no worries. But I just fail to prevent stuff like that from happening. And I try. I swear, I do. I’m not a train wreck. I just seem to see the world differently at times and I’m not always sure why other people don’t see it the way I do. I mean, I try to see it sometimes the way they do. But then when I do or think I do, in my head I’m like, “Why?” So, then I just do it differently.

It’s almost like theirs an internal dialog inside my brain.

I’ll be somewhere, in a group of people, we’re all watching the same thing or doing the same thing, and I KNOW how I’m supposed to behave or respond, but in my head I’m like…this is shorter, this is faster, this raises this question, etc. So then I’m like, not in line anymore and people are looking at me. Like I’ve done something wrong or I shouldn’t be doing that. And it’s not like I thought of that part of it. I was just focused on whatever it was I was focused on. So I went with it.

It’s not always a good thing to think or do things differently. It stresses people out. Some find it embarrassing. So, I’ve learned…to just apologize in advance: I do dumb things and I’m sorry ’bout that. I don’t mean to cause stress or anxiety. Swear. It’s like my least favorite thing to do…second only to shaving when I don’t want to.

***Yes…every there, their, and they’re on this is not being used correctly. I worked to have them right at first, and was then like, but how much more fun would it be if people were silently going nuts while reading this thinking I’m using the wrong spelling? So, I switched them all to read wrong. Dumb? Sure….maybe….but a hellofa lot more fun! 🙂

 

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