As a 26 year old white man in America, I wish I had a pair of money milkers. Honestly, looking at life through the lens and perspective of a blue collar worker, who was previously self employed, I find it insane how fragile my financial status has always been. In my eyes I will always be self employed. I work for the things I want and hope for in my life. Every day I spend my time creating product or providing a service so that I can achieve and reach the goals I’ve set for myself or the possessions I desire all while keeping food on the table. I can work 40 hours a week or 80 hours a week and regardless of how much time i spend at the shop It will never be enough. No matter the goal or big boy toy I want, once I’ve achieved it I will come up with something new to desire. I will set a new goal.

In my case I have a spotless record, fortunate enough to have good health, no debt, good credit. As well as being a high school graduate. Living at my own place with a dog and big boy toys of my own now, with a few solid friends to spend my off time with on occasion. Money never lasts long though as it doesn’t go very far in todays day and age. I ain’t complaining necessarily. I understand the race. I’m in it and I’ve always been competitive so I’ll keep running it to get farther and farther. Yet through all that, it would take one solid thing to cripple my timeline and slow my progress down. That time directly affecting how long it takes me to be financially stable for me to feel comfortable bringing a woman in my life and having beautiful little babies of my own.

Living within my means I really don’t save much. Lord protect me from needing to cover the cost of hearing aids dentures and medical bills or having to fix my mode of transportation anytime soon. All my savings and my personal comfy money bubble would disappear in a heartbeat. We are fragile human beings and I pretty much always feel invincible at my age… for the most part. Still I get scared of the possibilities. I have no real career field picked out. I have no down payment for a home of my own. I’m not 6ft blonde hair instagram model that can just go back to posting photos online when I get into a bind. In that regard I actually seriously dislike being on social media at all. I much prefer to go out and do things and be present in the moment just soaking in the sunlight or embracing the rain or seeing my breath while the ice freezes my bones. It’s not like I throw my money around like its nothing though even with all my planning and working and saving it would take one really bad day for everything I love and enjoy to no longer be a possibility for me.

I do my best to cherish the day and keep a positive outlook on life. However, my own mind and thoughts make everything more difficult than it likely needs to be. I know I’m not the only one in that boat. I’m 26 and life could be way way worse.. so I have nothing to complain about if I’m being totally honest. Yet nearly every day I feel this overwhelming feeling of failure. I could do better. I should just get back to the grind. Sell my big boy toys. Move into something even cheaper than what I have now. Save every dollar and drop the social life I do have an hit it hard all on my own. I know I could do it. Not a doubt in my mind. However if not for the people I’m fortunate enough to have in my life what am I doing any of it for?

Just survival… survival in this day and age isn’t’ difficult under the right circumstances. For instance, the world we have today has young girls who’s brains aren’t even remotely close to being fully developed, yet are of legal age, raking in money like absolute kings and queens of days of old. For what? Their body? Is that it?

I could do it better.

If I were in their shoes, working out and going to the gym is something I personally thoroughly enjoy. Making yummy and healthy food fit’s my lifestyle way more than fast food ever will. Those things make me feel happy with a sense of pride and more ego than I should have as a side dish. Put a camera on a stand and pose in front of it revealing 99% of my body for money I couldn’t make in years of work doing what I do now. I could do it better. Yet I find it absolutely disgusting and repulsive. Don’t get me wrong they can be incredibly attractive. Perhaps they even have an amazing personality. They could be a really good cook. A lovely partner in a relationship (doubtful as their priorities don’t align with mine). Supportive and loving in the best of ways. Despite any and all of that potential, their value drops to pretty much nothing in my eyes.

They’ve given away the special moments of sharing themselves to you and you alone. The goofy birthmark none but you and their parents should know about is all over the internet. It’s disappointing. What’s worse is the ones who still think and consider themselves to be of high value… that’s insulting. The trade they made they don’t even know about or understand yet. Though they will realize it someday they just refuse reality in the now since all they see is the numbers in their bank account going up so it must be a good thing. Being rewarded for being lazy and untalented with no real life experience. They’ve traded all these years stacking up bodies and exposing themselves just to try and settle later.

Granted… as hypocritical as it is, if I had a nice rack and a body I took care of with the ability of raking in all the money us dumb dudes give you… I would without a doubt take advantage of it. However, I would never marry nor have any kids as my principles and beliefs could never allow such a thing. The level of self respect and common sense I aspire to maintain simply makes the entire notion unacceptable. If I embraced that life style, I would live like a king.. a lonely egotistical foolish king. Perhaps that’s why I don’t have a rack in the first place. I’m not certain I’d be able to refrain from that level of temptation being presented. Ladies likely will never be able to understand this thought path as they weren’t raised to see from the same point of view. Perhaps that’s a bold assumption…

..it’s just what I keep seeing.

If you already have a kid of your own and the father isn’t in the picture while you’re in your early 20’s you are likely ridiculously immature and not worth my time to teach an grow with and therefore I’m not interested. Even my present failure of a self with no solid career path or big bank account. You present yourself as a bad investment. I’m not cleaning up your mess and lack of discipline. No amount of money would convince me to raise your kid and deal with your attitude or outlook on life. After all my years of youth and stupidity, I’ve still kept certain goals in mind and I will achieve my goals. In working towards my goals, my value will continue to grow. I will have children of my own flesh and blood. Your kids are your own problem.

My kids won’t be allowed to take the easy road growing up. They’ll learn that hard work brings rewards far greater and more fulfilling than anything you will ever experience as a body on a screen. Even just saying I would do the hypocritical thing sounds moronic knowing my perspective and opinion on the matter. It’s more what’s enticing about the whole idea, the comfort and ease it would bring. Merely being online exposing my body erotically to get paid more money than most folks see in a decade is what’s enticing. It’s the devils work. It’s lust. Greed.

A beautiful puddle so shallow and empty it will never truly satisfy beyond the appearance it has at the surface.

I may be a failure today in the eyes of many but every day continuing to wake up and embrace the day with eyes open and ears listening just experiencing as many wonders of the world I can possible get ahold of… I’m living a life I envied a decade ago. I will chase and claw my way towards my dreams and goals even if I’m financially broke the entire time I’m doing it. Even if I’m on a knifes edge where one shit storm could throw me off course. For I’m rich in my experiences and the loved ones I get to share them with. I’ll embrace life in all it’s struggles and aim to not only perceive but love and cherish the new experiences an memories that come with it.

Open your eyes and grow up. Take a look, a real hard look to recognize your true potential beyond just physical attributes so that you can remain young and fulfilled at heart. Everything changes, for nothing can stay the same forever. Your body and mind included. Enjoy the time you have with loved ones as the future isn’t guaranteed. Work for you and what you want to achieve but learn to love the difficulty of the now. Don’t take the easy path. Don’t sell out for the instant gratification. Never. Give. Up. It’s worth it.

So am I failing at life? Perhaps in this economy I am, but in the scheme of things I’m probably exactly where I’m suppose to be.

Copyright©2024 David S. Larson All Rights Reserved

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