Occasionally I get asked, “How do you get your kids to do stuff with you?” My response is always the same, I dunno kno, they just do. 

But the more I’ve thought about it, that’s not true. I do kno why my kids want to spend time with me. It’s because I spent time with them when they were young. 

From the moment they were born and in diapers

I’ve always taken my kids along with me to do whatever it was I was gonna do. How old they were or the fact that they were babies changed little for me in my interest of taking them along. Did it take more work at times? Yup. Did I have to bring along a buncha baby shit like, diaper bags, strollers, car seats, etc.? Yup. Did it change the “dynamic” of what I was doing? Yup.

Yup, it did all of that. But I did it anyway. Because I loved my kids and I wanted them with me. So they too could experience some of the things I experienced.

I can still remember, in my minds eye

Walking down a trail in the woods and looking back to see my son help my daughter (who was in diapers) over a log. I can remember telling my son to set his firearm (it was a BB-gun) over on the other side of a log before he climbs over. Did I help’m? Typically no.

If I stepped over a log I knew they could get over on their own, I just stopped and would wait for them to crawl over it. Then I’d keep walking. Listening for their steps behind me. Then I’d stop, then they’d stop. I’d listen, then they’d listen. When I crouched, they’d crouch. When I’d stand up, they’d stand up. I carried gear and they’d carry gear. When I set up camp, they’d set up camp. Or when I started a fire or cooked food, they helped.

When my son was five years old

we scouted a group of deer that followed the same trail every day. So one day we set out ta get one of’em. I watched the clock and knew where they’d come out of the timber and how they’d walk. I hid behind a bush with my bow and my son hid just behind me about twenty yards with his toy bow.

‘Bout the time those deer come walkin up, I drew my bow back as I stood up from behind that bush and threw an arrow right thru the lead deers heart. Then I squatted back down behind that bush and signaled to my son that I had got her. I was less than 5 yards away from that deer. It was a well placed shot. And my son, at FIVE YEARS OLD, didn’t so much as whisper a peep. He sad quite the whole time.

Afterwards, he helped me gut it, skin it, and cut it up for our freezer. He was pretty excited that we got one, so I did have to have a quick talk about the ramifications of the food which we had just acquired. But I ask you…

How many five year old’s do you think could have sat quietly like that?

Most five year old’s that I know of can’t sit still for five minutes to get a haircut, let alone keep their mouth shut long enough to get in a shot on a deer that close. (I still have the picture of us with that deer btw. He has it framed and put up in his place.)

Every time I went out into the garage to work on something my daughter was right there standing along side me wanting to help. Some days, depending on what I was working on, her help consisted of pounding nails into a block of wood on the floor beside me. Other times, she’d sand, stain, paint, etc. whatever it was we were building or fixing.

 Her gender never occurred ta me

So my daughter grew up doin a buncha guy stuff. Whatever her brother and I were doing, she was doing too. Never quite understood the guys that didn’t take their daughters or women along with them when they did shit. If we went hunting, she went too. If we went fishing, she went too. Didn’t really matter what it was, my daughter went too. That’s just how it was. I never really thought about it.

Sure, I gave many years of hunting that I probably could have been successful at, riding around in a rig with my kids wearing blaze orange vests, with snacks and juice boxes, looking for deer, only to see the occasional blur of fur with a total inability to pursue. But we had fun and the kids enjoyed it. Occasionally we’d get out and walk a trail. So they could learn how to be quiet and stalk.

Fishing with kids is great too

You get to spend your time rigging and casting and re-baiting. There’s some places you can’t go with small kids. So you go to the places you can go and your focus is less on you catchin’ and more on them catchin.

A lotta dads view their kids as something that will just slow them down or prevent them from having a good time. And that’s the problem with a lot of parents. It’s true, you have to not think so much about yourself when you take kids along. You don’t get to catch the fish. You may not even get to fill your hunting tag. Sometimes the paint job looks like total shit. Sometimes the nails get pounded in crooked.

But if you can “give up” those pieces of yourself

“Give up” those times and be less selfish, in time you’ll have two of the best hunting, fishing, camping, building, doing whatever it is you’re doing pals you could ever want. And they’ll wanna do shit with you too!

Copyright©2023 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

***Sometimes my friends would ask, “Hey, what are you doin this weekend?” And my response was pretty much always the same, I’m spending time with my kids. I rarely ever “went out with the guys” or spent a weekend away from my kids. In fact, even after their mother and I had gotten a divorce, I still came by every day and hung out with my kids. Every. Day. Most people spend so much time trying to avoid hanging out with their kids when they’re young and then act surprised when their kids don’t want to hang around them when they’re adults. 

Not everything was treated like a “learning event”

**** Sure, my kids learned how ta do all sortsa shit; but I didn’t make a big production out of it. I told them what they needed ta kno at the time and how to get something done. That’s it. Some parents tend ta like ta hear the sound of their voice so much they turn every conversation into a classroom setting. Which IS bullshit. Nobody wants ta hear that. Especially not your kids. 

*****Protecting your kids is a good thing and for most it’s a measure of a good parent. But PREPARING your kids for whatever it is that life is gonna throw at them tends to be much more valuable. In  order to prepare them you gotta take them thru some shit. They gotta be exposed to certain things and you gotta give them actual tools to learn how to manage it. (Don’t you wish someone had done that for you?) 

******Sure, you’re right, there may come a time in the future when my kids want little ta do with me. If that day comes I will truly be sad. But my son is 26 and my daughter is 22, and that hasn’t happened yet. So when/if it happens I figure I’ve been livin on borrowed time anyway, so I’ll thank the heavens for the extra time I’ve been given with them. 

*******“What do I do now?! My kids are already grown!” Well, you can start to build a relationship with them by recognizing that they’re adults and you can put that “I’m the parent” bullshit in the trash right where it belongs. Because as an adult if you’re an ass to hang out with, they’re simply not gonna want ta hang out with you. 

 (Excerpt from the movie “The Patriot”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Patriot_(2000_film) )