Just Friends….have you seen that movie? If not, you should, it’s hilarious! It’s the stereotypical nerd likes hott chick movie, that ends with the nerd actually getting the girl at the end…a total work of fiction. Reynolds nails his part with comedic genius and Smart plays the hott witless role with ease.

But while watching the movie I couldn’t help but notice the basic failings in each of their characters approach. Basic failings that people often fall prey to and no doubt are what brought this movie to fruition.

Chris Brander (Played by Reynolds) and Jamie Palamino (Played by Smart) have been friends since they were kids. As they get older Chris develops feelings for Jamie. But Chris doesn’t know how to voice those feelings and Jamie isn’t interested.

So for years, Chris is stuck in THE FRIEND ZONE. 

Which is kinda funny in and of itself, cause I personally couldn’t imagine spending years not voicing how I feel about someone. But, that’s what this guy does. So for years, Jamie witlesslessly takes Chris’s behaviour for granted. Totally clueless that this guy is in to her. So goes the rest of the movie. With Chris attempting to find his place with Jamie and Jamie acting clueless; until finally Chris VOICES HIS FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS and Jamie ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES THEM.

THAT my friends, is the rub.

That is the whole premise that the entire movie is based on. The shy nerd who loves the girl but lacks the stones ta voice it and the dimwitted girl who’s too dumb to recognize the nerd that’s into her. Without that basic premise, the movie goes nowhere. It’s no longer a funny movie.

Reynolds character has to be incapable or unwilling to voice his affections and Smarts character has to be too dumb or too ignorant throughout the entire movie or there is no movie; and if there is, it definitely is not funny.

Here’s why…

Had Chris Brander (Reynolds character) simply voiced his romantic interest in Jamie Palamino (Smarts character) up front, blunt, to the point, etc. he would have saved himself years of heartache, misunderstandings, and pain; by simply voicing how he was feeling.

The movie literally could have been over in twenty minutes. Jamie on the other hand, could have actually been a bit smarter, picked up on some basic social cues, and not been so self absorbed. But once again, had that happened, it wouldn’t have been a movie.

But the concept of the Friend Zone is a thing and it’s something that many people find themselves involved in. So let’s discuss that, and let’s make some things clear, starting with this basic truth:

If you are in the friend zone, you are there because you choose to be

There is literally no other reason for it. If you haven’t expressed your feelings for the the person you are interested in then you’re an idiot. Seriously. Look, I’m keen on pointing out that Jamie Palamino was a witless self absorbed dimwit that didn’t pick up on social behaviors, but I place the true blame for how long the movie progressed on Chris Brander. The dude shoulda legit stepped up and expressed himself. Period.

You gotta voice that shit. People aren’t mind readers. So don’t go blaming friends zone statuses on people if you haven’t had the stones to actually tell them how you feel.

That being said, once someone has expressed their feelings, then the burden of how the relationship progresses falls on the object of affection. You don’t like that? Bummer. Sometimes people who you are not interested in will be interested in you. So what do you do? You express that. You actually voice that and then you behave accordingly. And it’s that last part where people suddenly become stupid.

B E H A V I N G  Accordingly.

If someone voices that they are in to you, and you’re not in to them, you don’t continue to invite them over, you don’t continue to take their money, you don’t have long talks with them until 2 a.m. You don’t continue to entertain ANY of their advances, right? I mean…RIGHT?! Because ta do so would make you a bit of a User and at the very least, make you a shitty friend. Get it?

The only saving grace of Jamie Palamino in the entire movie is the fact that she is totally ignorant of her friends feelings. That’s it. Had she known up front, that her friend Chris was into her and she still maintained to accept his behaviors towards her and his advances towards her, she would look more like the true villain. 

So bro, when you tell me, “Ah she says she’s not into me but she still invites me over ta hang out, snuggle on the couch and watch Netflix”…Dude, that woman is a self absorbed bitch that couldn’t care less about you or how you feel and she’s simply gettin what she wants out of the relationship without acknowledging how you feel. KICK. HER. TO. THE. CURB.

Cause see that’s the thing,

If you know someone is into you and it’s not reciprocated, yet you still accept or entertain their behaviors of affection toward you, you’re kind of a POS. That’s jus wrong on so many levels. And a person who does that IS NOT your friend. (How can you call yourself a friend when you know your dismissal of their affections towards you causes them emotional pain yet you continue to engage in it?)

Have you seen the meme? It’s a meme that says something to the effect of: “That moment when you realize they were just pretending to be your friend to get into your pants; but they were never really your friend”. 

Sometimes it’s like that.

Sometimes there are guys out there that are at that douchebag level. But ladies, the guy that has vied for your attention for years is not one of them. The guy that does that, that dumbass, wants ta carry your books. That guy ain’t lookin for just sex. He’s wantin ta wipe the drool from ya face when ya 80. If all they wanted was sex, trust me, there’s literally no reason to pretend to be your friend. Sex is easily acquired. If by no other means than the Law of Large Numbers.  So spare me the victim status. If you entertain his advances and don’t reciprocate, make no mistake, YOU are the self absorbed POS. Hands down. 

So it’s really simple.

If you’re in to somebody: JUST VOICE IT.

If you’re not in to somebody, then JUST VOICE IT; then make sure your actions reflect that. (Don’t spend late nights talkin with people you ain’t interested in. Don’t accept gifts or presents from people you aren’t interested in or expect ta snuggle up on a couch and watch Netflix with someone you got no feelings for, etc.) Seriously, who does that shit? Users. That’s who. People who are so self absorbed that they care very little about the feelings of other people. People who are self serving that they would simply use you to get what they want out of a relationship without ever having to acknowledge or reciprocate how you feel.

THOSE ARE NOT FRIENDS

 

Kick people that do that to the curb. A true friend would never do that. A true friend would acknowledge and respect how you feel and act accordingly. Don’t tie yourself up in relationships that are toxic. If you have feelings for someone and you don’t express it, your behavior is toxic. If you have been informed that you are the object of someone’s affection and you haven’t acknowledged their feelings by curbing your behavior toward them, then you’re behaving in a toxic manner. 

BE UP FRONT. VOICE YOUR FEELINGS AND EXPECTATIONS. ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU ARE TOLD AND BEHAVE ACCORDINGLY. It’s literally so simple. 

Copyright©2022 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

***Throughout my life I have been caught on both sides of this fence. I’ve been interested in people who weren’t interested in me; and I’ve had people interested in me that I wasn’t interested in. What I have found is being DIRECT and having my actions match my words helps eliminate confusion and avoids hurt feelings.

****Ladies, if you are chattin up a dude every day, if he’s “the shoulder you cry on”, “makes you feel better when you’re down”, etc. and he continues ta listen to your bullshit: HE’S INTO YOU. Guys don’t do that with women they aren’t interested in. A common complaint of men in relationships is that women talk too much. A common complaint of women in relationships is that men don’t listen. What kind of idiot you gotta be to have a guy friend that always listens ta your daily bullshit and not figure out he’s into you? 

*****You wanna be “Just friends”?

No worries! But, guys don’t talk ta their friends EVERY DAY. Guys don’t pay their friends electric bills. Guys don’t give a shit how your day went. Women bond with each other often thru routine communication. They routinely “share” things with their friends. When women don’t talk to each other, one of them thinks something is wrong. Guys don’t do that. Guys talk to their friends occasionally. They can go weeks, sometimes months without talking to each other, and still be the best of friends.

Routine communication with a guy is equated as intimacy. Get it? Guys typically only do that with the women they’re involved with romantically. So, don’t be playin butthurt when you voiced ta some dude who is into you that you wanted ta just be friends and then you were treated like one. Stop treating your guy friends like they are your women friends and then get upset cause they caught feelings for you.  

******Dude, she IS NOT your friend! Hey lady! He IS NOT your friend! ANYONE that dismisses how you feel and doesn’t change their behavior towards you once you have expressed how you feel is a self absorbed person that is willing to service their own feelings AT THE EXPENSE of yours. KICK. THEM. TO. THE. CURB. They are not good people. Not sure what it was that you thought you saw in them, but you were clearly wrong. End it now. Lose no sleep over it. You’ll be better off without people like that in your life.

*******Sometimes being in “The friend zone” is the best place you can be.

If you just suffered thru a horrible breakup and want to maintain some level of normalcy, being put in the friend zone can be a blessing; and save you from doing something stupid. The point is, if you find yourself in the “friend zone”….are you there because you want to be? If not, then don’t be. It’s truly as simple as that. NOBODY PUTS YOU IN THE FRIEND ZONE. You do that to yourself. Either it serves your purpose or it doesn’t. The moment it doesn’t you’ll end it. 

(Hear this song? She asks, “Haven’t I made it obvious? Haven’t I made it clear?”….Uh no. No you haven’t. If you still treating a dude that has expressed his feelings for you as someone who isn’t interested in you, then you’re an idiot. ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings that are expressed to you. Sometimes that means, you need ta go ghost and not cuddle up on the couch watchin’ Netflix. Get it?)