Ever gone to one of those survival meetings? Or a been in a group of people that were considered “preppers” or a “Militia”? I have. And as much as I have done my best ta blend in, for whatever reason, I never do. Perhaps its my lack of excitement with the prospect of eating out of trash cans to survive or preparing for my last stand. You know, Like goin out in a blaze of glory with both arms holding fire arms while throwing lead at an impending intruder.

Y e a h…screw that. 

Or maybe it’s because while sitting among a group of people, I tend to take a personal assessment of myself and the people around me, based on what is being said. Like…is what is being described anything I, myself or the people around me actually capable of surviving or defending through? Because in most cases, it is not. I would die…

and here’s why you probably would too.

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#1 CARDIO:

It’s the first rule of Zombieland. Wanna kno why? ‘Cause it legit makes sense. In the event of a total collapse of civilization, you better be keen on running – a lot. Can you run 5 miles without being winded? Or would you barely make it without needing to take at least a ten minute break to recover from the near death you just experienced? Personally, I’d most likely be close to death…and I’m in better shape than most my age. 

For Conservatives, Kyle Rittenhouse, is somewhat of a hero. I mean, the guy did what needed to be done. It was self defense, based on what I saw. But that isn’t what went thru my mind when I saw the videos of the event.

What went thru my mind when I watched them was the copious amount of running that kid was doing. Did you see that? It was FRICKIN EXHAUSTING just watching him.

I have never felt so uncomfortable while sitting on my couch eating a bag of chips then when I saw that kid running for his life. And I don’t even own a couch or eat chips that often. It was that disturbing. Just the thought of having to put my bag of Doritos down long enough to protect myself from armed combatants attempting to kill me with a skateboard is enough to totally ruin the taste and flavor of my mocha.

Just think of all the things you would need to run for in the event of a total collapse of civilization….food, water, safety. Then just look at yourself in the mirror and admit….you’re gonna die. 

#2 PRESCRIPTION MEDS:

Hey! How’s that lisinopril stock of yours doin? Just in case some of you reading don’t know what that is, that’s a prescription medication for high blood pressure. Without it, people stroke out and die. It’s kinda crazy, right? If they don’t get this little pill on a routine basis, they gonna stroke out and die. That’s how it works. And that’s not even a really strong drug or even a really important drug. It’s actually a really common drug. Lotta people take it. I mean, take a gander at the people in your group. Take a look at the people who are attending the meeting. Think about the type of meds they may be taking. 

These are the people that are gonna be workin that Cardio hoping ta break into the local pharmacies in the event of a total collapse of civilization.

And I’m not meaning to be facetious! I’m just asking…are you takin any medication? ‘Cause if so, you got six months or a year of it stocked up to survive? Ya know, some that shit needs ta be refrigerated, right?

You ever try running five miles carrying a pack weighted with the pharmacy you need ta survive on your back? 

#3 AMMO:

It’s a big deal, right? I mean, this is America, we need our ammo. So we can use our guns to defend ourselves. So not only do we buy lotsa guns, varying with lotsa common calibers that literally everyone is using, but we also stock pile as much of it as we possibly can. That way, in the event of a total collapse when we may need ta bug out, there is a massive pile of ammo left for other people ta use.

Because we can only carry so much of it, right? I mean, you ever carry a crate of ammo? That shit is heavy. It sucks ta carry. It makes my back hurt just thinkin about carrying it.

Which is one of the reasons the U.S. military switched to using the .223 caliber rounds back in 1963. They found that soldiers could carry more rounds because they were smaller and lighter. It also explains why there was a switch from the .45 calibers to the 9mm. The 9mm is lighter and can be used to poke more holes.

And how am I supposed ta carry it all without droppin my prescription meds anyway?!

But you may need a lot of it, right? So you stock up and store it. The thought bein, you stay where you at. You got a small fortress at home goin on and you’re gonna defend it. It’s a good plan. Until your neighbors realize they livin next door to a Walmart. Then shit starts lookin a bit different.

WHY do “Preppers” talk about what they have? Why. I don’t get it. I’d like ta go on record as sayin, I don’t have shit saved or prepared for. Ima gonna be beggin at YOUR door…So there is no need ta come ta mine. 

I LOVE seeing the social media posts of the guns and ammo you’ve recently purchased. LOVE IT! Keep doin that shit…it’s so cool. 

Yup, I am unprepped and unprepared. But I know of some who are! So go there…and stay the frick away from my place. Let me die regretfully for not preparing in peace.

….you got your stock of food and ammo in your garage, don’t you? I bet you do.

….am I gonna meet the business end of your gun? Am I?…am I really? Shit, if that lisinopril don’t make ya sleepy, I bet I could out run your fat ass if a guy needed to.

IF. YOU. AIN’T. PORTABLE. YOU. AIN’T. SHIT.

#4 TRAINING:

So, we’ve just talked about some basic thoughts I’ve had on survival. I mean, guns are great, when they are readily available. But given the conditions in which they are available, I’d say they are a luxury. In the event of a total collapse, I’d wager shit is gonna get downright medieval on people.

So physical conditioning and training is gonna be a thing. And I am so keen on training. All through high school and through most of my twenties I was all about training. Now…not so much. 

Which is why, when I see the headlines or hear the conversations about prior military background, prior martial arts training, etc., I kind of laugh a little bit.

It’s not that I don’t see the value in it. But I also know and recognize, that I am NOT the same man I was when I was doin those things in my twenties. And I have forgotten much more than I have ever retained or am physically capable of doin now.

And that is the “rub” with training.

It’s not that getting formal training is bad, per se, it’s just that it requires maintenance, routine, conditioning and consistency. You HAVE to keep doin it in order to keep it. At least at the same or similar skill level.

How many people do you actually know that do that? You know what happens to Black Belts after they obtain their Black Belt?. They get fat. Mission is accomplished, level is acquired, kudos received, etc. – and then they stop training. Ever see a fat Bruce Lee? Yeah, me neither.

So, have you taken a class? You got tactical training? Military training? Awesome. Still doin it? Oh…then sod off. You will most likely survive just a smidge longer than the rest of us. SOME of the WW2 vets that have the ability to read a compass MAY last a bit longer, maybe.

….hey listen pal, we were ALL sharpshooters twenty years ago, M’Kay!

#5 YOUR MENTALITY:

For the final rub of the top five ways you’re going to die in a total collapse of civilization: The way you think. Your thought process is ALL WRONG. And it’s that thought process that is gonna cause you to die and die early, in the event of a total collapse.

Why?

‘Cause in your preparations, you are attempting to re-create and maintain your normal. And shit in a total collapse IS NOT NORMAL. 

Even your food choices and stock wreak of variety. Variety? Really!? Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the use of the smallest amount of fuel and water it takes to prepare it?  

People inherently want to maintain their lifestyle and their standard of living. I get it. But that thought process and YOU are the biggest hurdle that will become the most evident reason why you die in a total collapse of civilization.

….Some of you got snacks stocked up even. As if you’re gonna be jus chillin, eating your snacks while the world burns around you. You’re all like, “Don’t even be stealin’ my Ho Ho’s!” lol

Quit “prepping” for things you don’t need.

Copyright©2022 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

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***Now, this stuff above is why I tend ta not do well in most END TIMES, “Militia” and “Prepper” events. It’s not that some people who attend those events don’t bring up the topics I’ve mentioned above. It’s just that they often get ignored or dismissed. Because the majority of the people who attend those events are physically out of shape, lack formal training that is being maintained and are on prescription meds. And no one wants ta think about dying.  

****So I just keep quiet and listen. Do my best to control my facial expressions when the speakers talk about how corrupt the government is, while they pass around a clipboard for me ta put my name and address on, that may eventually be used as a NOC List. I politely decline. In the best way I know how…”Nope. My frickin name ain’t goin on that clipboard”.  

*****Don’t get me wrong, I am ALL keen on planning and preparing and preventing the shit. I am. Truly. But can we possibly get some leaders that ACTUALLY know their shit running these meetings? Just a thought.