It was Christmas time years ago. She came into my office and said she had gotten me a gift. I was a surprised. It didn’t seem to be a common thing for an agent to give their field trainer a gift. But it was the holidays, so I accepted it without question. As I opened it I looked upon a metal cross with the writing carved into it: “Be still and know that I am God – Psalm 46:10”.

When I saw it I remember thinking, She obviously knows I am a believer and thought in some way this would resonate with me. But it didn’t. I dismissed it. What mattered to me was sales reports. What mattered to me was her NFYC (Net First Year Commissions). What mattered to me was her product knowledge and her ability to complete and assess a accurate client profile. What had no bearing on anything was some metal cross with a carved scripture on it.

I graciously accepted it and then tossed it into a box. An insignificant gift from a first year agent that couldn’t sell her way out of a paper bag. Nothing more.

I was wrong about both.

She became one of the best Medicare agents on the West Coast; and I’ve had that metal cross hung up beside my bedroom door for years. Every day when I leave, I read it.

Be still…

Be still and know that I am God…

I have pondered that. What does that mean? I am a “Type A” personality. An Enneagram Eight. There is nothing “still” about my type of people. I honestly don’t even know what that means. I actually Googled it.

“Not moving”. “Deep silence”. “Calm”, “Undisturbed, tranquil”.

What. The. Hell.

Nothing about those words make any sense to me. I start each day with the mind to fight. I end each day in preparation for the same. Be still might as well be a foreign language. ‘Cause I don’t get it. 

I solve problems. I think my way out of whatever life sends my way. I am constantly doing, figuring, analyzing. People call me for answers…Be Still?

How?

Know that I am God? What does that even mean?

What a mess of a gift was this?! Why have I hung this by my door to see and ponder every day?

As a boy my older brother had a picture on his bedroom wall. It was of a rider on a horse with a sword riding through an army swinging his sword at the foot soldiers below him. He saw me looking at it one day. He asked me what I saw. I said, “I think he’s being attacked and they’re trying to get him off his horse”. He looked at me and said, “That rider is you”. “You, who is constantly fighting…at war with the world”.

At the time I had no idea how accurate his assessment was. But I will say…it’s exhausting. To constantly be in a state of fight…with everyone and everything.

BE. STILL…

…and KNOW that I am God?

I don’t know how ta do that. I don’t know what that means. But I think it means to be at peace with the events that life throws at you. I think it means to trust that God is in control and that everything ultimately works to good. Even when you can’t see or comprehend the how or why. That sometimes there are bigger things at work or in play than you know; and that the Creator of all that is, has a plan in play…intended for good. One that is beyond you and your ability to reason or think thru.

…so rest in that?

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