A few weeks ago I did a interview with a friend of mine that I uploaded to my YouTube channel. I’ve done a few of those over the last couple months in an effort to figure out the process and see what I wanted to do with it. Still haven’t quite figured out what I want to do with the channel, but our conversation in that video has had me thinking about a lot.

Anytime I ask people to do a interview with me I never know what we’re going to talk about. I always leave it up to them to decide and then the conversation just kind of goes from there. During this particular interview Kim decided he wanted to talk about relationships. Given the fact that I’m a two time loser when it comes ta those I tend to try to avoid the subject. However, he mentioned something in that interview that I’ve been struggling with since the interview and I finally got to meet with him again yesterday and asked him to clarify.

See, during the interview he used the word: Shenanigans, to describe behaviors he simply had no tolerance for. Although I had a general idea of what the word meant, I struggled with the context in which he was using it. (I’m admittedly weird like that) So, after having talked to Kim again, and having a better understanding of what he meant, I thought I’d attempt to at least clarify why he’d want to avoid and not tolerate someone who’s behavior equates to Shenanigans. I’ve got a few examples below that I’m going to share with you, to better solidify the point.

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Few years back I spoke to a woman who was going through a divorce. She was clearly upset about it; she had been crying and I could hear the frustration in her voice when she talked. One of the things she mentioned was how she felt while sitting on the couch in their living room next to her husband as he text another woman from his phone. Occasionally he’d laugh or smirk and when she’d ask about it, instead of sharing the joke with her, he’d respond with, “Oh nothing”. When she pressed him on it he replied that he was just talking to a friend and that she was over-reacting by being upset about it. Later, she got into his phone and saw that he had been texting another woman and the texting had gone far beyond “just friends”.

I was with a group of guys at a restaurant one time for a late dinner. We had got in a bit late but they had just over an hour before closing and we asked the waitress if it was ok to stay and order dinner or if they planned on closing things up and getting ready to close. She was very kind and assured us that it was fine. We all sat and placed our order. The moment the waitress left the table the conversation turned to how hott she was. She was, in fact, very pretty. So I wasn’t at all surprised that the conversation went there. I was at a table with four other guys and one of their wives. She was good sport; acknowledging that the waitress was pretty, and laughing along. Until her husband started commenting on how the waitress wasn’t fat and how she must, “Actually give a damn about her body”. His wife, was not thin. And it was at that moment when I saw the smile disappear from her face. What was once a happy, cheerful, bubbly woman, sat there with a look on her face as if she had just been ran through with a sword. Her husband seemed totally oblivious to it. The conversation changed and I could see her attempt to recover, so as to not draw any unwanted attention to herself. She began to smile and talk again and within moments it was as if that comment and her reaction never happened.

Guy told me one time how he took his lady out one night to hit the clubs; do some dancing, and have a good time. She was dressed ta the nines and lookin fine. After a bit of dancing and drinking she became a bit intoxicated. Her voice got louder, her dancing got more suggestive, and before he knew it she was making the rounds on the dance floor dancing and getting groped by other men. When he went to get her to leave she got upset and argued about it. After he finally got her in the car to go home she literally jumped out of the moving car in high heels and walked back to that club to dance without him.

Had a guy message me one time asking me for some advice about a friend of his who was having a rough time. At the time I thought he was dating the woman or was trying to date the woman; so I did my best to listen to the situation and give the best advice possible. Not long into his explanation of the circumstances, it comes out that part of the problem of what is going on, is his lady. Who he’s currently in a relationship with and has kids with. She was upset with him because he was spending so much time talking to this other woman; who is single, but “just a friend” and he’s trying to help.

Another time I was talking to a woman and she told me how she was at a BBQ with some friends and towards the end of the night people started going home except for the ones that lived there. Soon she was left talking around the fire with just her friend and her friends boyfriend. As time went on, her friend got up and told them she was going to go to bed; leaving her and her friends boyfriend alone, outside by the fire. She said she realized that the situation could raise questions in her friends mind; that even though she knew she would never allow anything to happen, she didn’t want there to be a question in her friends mind and she knew, that if the tables were reversed, she wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that her man was out talking by a fire alone with a single woman. So she cut it short and went inside to bed.

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Now, in my opinion, the only person who got it right in the above scenarios is the last woman who went to bed when her friend went to bed.

Why? ‘Cause she was the only one who took a moment to consider another person. She considered how her actions and her behavior would affect someone she cared about. She showed some self-awareness and some relationship intelligence.

See, in all of these scenarios the people perpetrating the Shenanigans can easily dismiss the objections and hurt feelings of the people, they profess to care about, as being  insecure or controlling or too sensitive, etc. But the reality is, none of those people except for the last one were behaving like an adult who actually valued their relationship.

I’ve been contacted in the past by married women wanting to talk to me about their relationship and I always wonder, “Is your husband aware that you’re talking to a Single man online about your relationship problems with him”? ‘Cause if not, I wonder how he’d feel about it? See what I mean?

It’s not being insecure or too sensitive to express to your mate something or a behavior that they are doing that bothers you. And even if it was, as a person that is in a relationship, you want to be in, with someone you care about, wouldn’t the expression of that insecurity give you a tip that maybe you need to give some reassurance so your mate feels secure? I mean…you’re not actually wanting the person you’re with to feel insecure, right? So, why not be willing to give them that reassurance they need when they need it?

I’m a friend. I know what it means to be a friend and what it takes to be a friend. But I’m never going to risk an argument with my lady or risk my relationship with her for sake of a friend. And ya know what? NONE of my friends would expect or ask me to. So if your desire to help a friend is hurting your relationship or causing problems…you might want to rethink your priorities. The emotional, physical, spiritual well-being, of your mate, should be your priority. (If it isn’t…what ARE you doing with them??)

It’s not a controlling thing to ask and expect your mate to consider you and behave like an adult. A request by you for them to take responsibility for their actions and control themselves is not an unreasonable request. In fact, I’d say it’s paramount in a healthy relationship to have that expectation.

Former Vice President Mike Pence caught all sorts of crap in the media for mentioning that he refused to have lunch alone with other women that were not his wife. Admittedly, I thought the jokes and memes on it were epic. All jokes aside tho…can you imagine how his wife Karen Pence must have felt hearing him say that to the world; knowing how much crap he took over it? Pence took all sorts of crap over that; but Pence had no fucks ta give, cause the only person who’s opinion Pence really gave a damn about was his wife. You may not totally agree with his reasoning behind not having lunch with women outside his wife or want to take it to that level, but that’s a pretty good example of someone who has some relationship intelligence. He knows that scenario has caused other people problems; so he’s just skipping it entirely. And kudos ta him for havin the stones ta put his lady first. 

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