I can remember as a child hearing about being careful who I chose to be friends with. That the people I chose to hang out with would have a positive or negative impact on my life. They would have an influence on how I acted and how I behaved. As an adult, that advice grew into the importance of who I chose to be associated with. Establishing yourself in the business world requires professional contacts; rubbing elbows with corporate elites was of the utmost importance. So the concept of surrounding yourself with people that can give you solid advice and instruction is nothing new.

I’ve found that people who ignore or dismiss that advice tend to be pretty dimwitted people; and when it comes to getting advice, there is truly no shortage of the dumb.

I was recently contacted by a woman who was unhappy in her marriage. Before I could even respond she listed multiple reasons why she was unhappy and was looking for my input on the matter. I declined and explained to her that although I could empathize with her situation, I was a single man and she was a married woman. It was highly inappropriate for me to give her marriage advice or counsel. I encouraged her to seek out counsel from a female.

She was upset by that response. I claimed to be a friend, yet was unwilling to be a shoulder to cry on? What kind of a friend was that. I asked her, “What would your man think if he found out you and I were talking privately about your marriage?”. Of course I already knew the answer. His response wouldn’t have been good. And me, although good intentioned, would have done more damage to that relationship than good. So, I chose to be a friend, a true friend, and I gave her an answer she didn’t want; but was best for her, then took the brunt of her disappointment.

See, I grew up in a home where giving Counsel was a pretty common thing. My dad was a pastor. So, there was rarely a day that went by where I didn’t hear of my mom or dad counseling someone about something. It was commonplace in the home I grew up in. And what I’ve found is knowing the difference between good counsel and bad counsel is something that I have taken for granted. Not everyone has had the benefit of that. So for many, when it comes to who to listen to, they’re in the dark. They haven’t got a clue. So whether it be for business or a personal relationship, I’m gonna lay out some basics here to hopefully point you in the right direction when seeking counsel.

1.) Seek out advice from people who match your worldview and who have some expertise in the area you’re seeking counsel in. This seems really basic to me; but you’d be surprised at how many people dismiss it. If you are a Christian and you seek out the relationship advice of someone who is an Atheist, you’re most likely going to be given advice that differs from your beliefs. The way an Atheist would deal with infidelity in a relationship may be entirely different than the way a Christian would deal with it; or at least, it should be. Get it? Both an Atheist and a Christian can hold the same level of Psychology degree or Counseling degree, and yet give totally different advice based on their world view. So that isn’t rocket science; that’s a very very basic concept.

2.) Test it. Regardless of who you receive counsel from, you need to test what they tell you with what you know. Which means, if you’re a Christian, is what you’re being told match up with the Bible? ‘Cause if you don’t know that, you should. Or at the very least, be wise enough to seek out more counsel from other sources, study your scripture, and pray about it before you act on any advice you’ve been given.

3.) Good Counsel has a vested interest in the success of your relationship. Which means, they will recognize that there are two sides to every coin and will call you out on the shit that is your side. They won’t placate or attempt to pacify you to avoid a uncomfortable truth of the matter. They’ll have the desire to hear both sides, weigh the facts, and tell you the truth. A truth, that should be what you’re truly seeking; and you can only get through good counsel.

4.) Understand the difference between venting and seeking advice. Some people are great to vent to; but really bad to get advice from. Everyone needs to vent at times. It’s a very healthy reaction to conflict. But who you vent to could prove to be as equally important as who you choose to take advice from. So tread lightly. Limit the number of people you choose to vent to. People tend to like the dirt. It can be like a train wreck for them. They’ll get drunk with the drama of it all. And sometimes the people we vent to can be the absolute worse people to take advice from. So just be mindful of that; and let your words be few.

5.) Men counsel men; women counsel women. Basic concept. That doesn’t mean you can never get advice from someone of the opposite gender. What it means is that you should always have someone of the same gender present or privy to the conversation should you seek counsel from someone of the opposite gender. Following that basic concept will keep you out of potential trouble and those who are offering counsel out of potential trouble. Once again, if you’re seeking counsel then you’re seeking solutions; so don’t put yourself in a position of creating more problems for yourself by ignoring this basic concept.

Five basic concepts for getting wise counsel…and I’m guilty of breaking all of them. Which, doesn’t change the validity of any of them. The truth is still the truth regardless of whether or not you choose to acknowledge it. And this is the truth of it. I’ve seen the pain, the heartache given, the relationships totally destroyed over the dismissal of these. Needlessly. There is no more valuable a thing to employ in your relationships. Seek out and employ wise counsel. Remember, God is in the business of repairing, mending, and healing your relationships; any advice that is outside of that, isn’t of God, and is bad advice.

Read more here: The Failure of Faith

 

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