A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled, “Why I’ve chosen to be gay“.

Whenever I write I always try to consider the negative response that it may bring and I ask myself if I can defend it. But when I posted that particular blog, I was so intent on its content, that I neglected to consider its title. No sooner than when I posted it, I had someone call me out on it. Because I said the word, “Chosen“. Which implies that being gay is a choice. This obviously was counter to their worldview, and because of that one word, they refused to read any further. But, it is the one thing I didn’t address in that blog. So I figured I’d address it now.

Is sexuality a choice?

In the early 1990’s geneticist by the name of Dean Hamer began studies on the genetics of human behavior. His findings were later published in Science in 1993. That research, from what I can find, was the beginning of the gay gene debate.

Now from what I’ve read, based on the arguments posed on both sides, NO ONE can definitively locate or define a “Gay gene“. They can’t determine it. They can clearly see changes, variations, combinations, patterns in genetic chromosomes; but ONE gene that determines a persons sexuality? Nope. Which means the reverse is true. There isn’t a “Straight” gene, that is present or lacking, either.

So why is this important?

Because there are people in society that are determined to claim, that people who engage in homosexuality, are genetically forced to do so. They claim they simply do not have a choice. They’re content to be proverbially bound by their sexual desires and impulses. They actually advocate for this. And this brings a bit of  confusion because they want homosexuality to be regarded in the same category as heterosexuality. As far as, being regarded as normal, accepted, not a mental illness, not a sin, etc. Yet when it comes to rape, polygamy, infidelity, pedophilia, beastiality, necrophilia, etc. they don’t subscribe to the same form of measurement.

So finding that gene has been really, really, REALLY, important. It would seemingly solve everything in regards to the homosexuality debate.

The thing that most people seem to not understand is that a persons sexual orientation is incredibly complex. Just because a person identifies as “Straight”, doesn’t make it any less developmentally complex. The things necessary and required to make a person Straight, are also just as complex, necessary, and required to make someone Gay. Environmental influences, social influences, associations, what we are exposed to, how we are raised, thoughts that are introduced and focused on, etc. all play a very real, very major role, in how we perceive ourselves and how we choose to engage in our sexuality.

Yes, choose. Even though there are developmental and environmental influences that play a major role in our sexual conditioning, the reality is, how we engage in our sexuality is, most definitely, a choice, a decision, we all make. It may seem like it isn’t. Primarily because often the influences that mold and shape our behaviors are often so subtle, but make no mistake, we still have a choice.

We have a choice, whether or not we engage in promiscuity, regardless of our sexual orientation. Claiming that our sexual desire to have sex with multiple partners is natural will hardly seem acceptable to a mate that is intent on a monogamous relationship. We have a choice, whether or not we engage in rape, regardless of whether or not our potential victim was found in a vulnerable condition or was being irresponsible. Whether we choose to engage or not engage in ANY sexual behavior, regardless of what it is or with who. We decide. We choose. In fact, if at any time that choice is taken away from us, it’s considered to be a negative thing….unless our behavior is forced upon us by our genes, then it’s welcomed and accepted?

The truth of it is, we ARE sexual beings. Period. Created and designed to engage in sexual activity. Bodies by design, that are capable for having sexual activity with…pretty much anything. So the reasons and excuses we have for how we choose to use that gift, tend to fall flat when confronted with the gripping reality surrounding the responsibilities we all have when engaging in sex.

The ability to transmit sexual diseases alone are enough for a person to take pause in regards to their sexual behavior. The impact of an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy is another good example of the responsibilities that come with engaging in sexual activity. So as much as I’d love to have a genetic excuse, a justifiable reason that is hard wired into my DNA that controls and determines how I engage in sexual activity; alas, I do not. I’m personally, directly responsible for my behaviors and choices I’ve made in regards to sex. No one else.

Our minds are incredibly powerful. From the moment of conception the neural pathways in our brain form the blueprints towards which we gravitate throughout our life. Those pathways are developed, influenced, manipulated, tweaked, changed, etc. There have literally been thousands of books, articles written, studies conducted, on the power of the mind. How, if we focus our thoughts towards something, if we dwell on it, whether it be positive or negative, we can influence and change our reality.

How many times have you heard someone tell you to, “Think Positive!”? “Change the way you think, to change the way you speak, to develop action, to get results…”. This is basic. Common knowledge. Literally HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of countless hours devoted to the research and discovery of the human mind. Studies that include its impact on behavior. So much so, there are some people that actually believe that we have the ability to heal ourselves with the positive power of our minds. The study of Epigenetics brings us closer to this apparent truth. The term was coined in the 1940’s by a British embryologist, C.H. Waddington. He used the phrase to “Epigenetic Landscape” as a metaphor for biological development.

What we think, how we think, the things we focus on, dwell on, have the ability to actually change our biological makeup. We can alter and develop the neural pathways in our brains, by simply changing the way we think. That’s actually how some people recover from trauma that they have experienced. We can actually change the way our brains look in an x-ray, by changing how we think.

So, you ARE a sexual being. You will feel arousal based on how your body was designed to react to visual or physical stimuli. That’s a given. Mothers have become aroused when breast feeding. Fathers have gotten erections when holding their children. But how you choose to entertain those thoughts, how you choose to encourage or discourage those thoughts, is entirely up to you. It’s YOUR decision. YOU are responsible for your sexual activity. No one else. Nothing else. You have no excuse for how you behave. The husband can’t blame the wife or his genes for the infidelity. The rapist can’t blame the victim or their genes for the rape. The homosexual can’t blame their partner or their genes for the behavior. WE RESERVE THE INHERENT RIGHT TO CHOOSE how we engage in our sexuality.

Which means the “Straight” person can engage in homosexual activity and the “Gay” person can engage in heterosexual activity, etc. By simply changing the way our mind processes and thinks about the information.

To deny that is to wage war with your very soul. Binding it to a life of servitude to an unseen, intangible, god that is weaved into the very fabric of our body. It’s succumbing to a life of slavery.

No thanks. I’ll pass. I’ll reserve my right to Choose. As well as, have the stones to own up to the shit my behaviors have produced.

You should too…regardless of your sexual orientation: Own it.

Why I’ve chosen to be Gay

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201011/does-talk-therapy-really-work

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dean_Hamer

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20050128/is-there-gay-gene#1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetics

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/epigenetics

 

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