Where to begin…

In December of 2023 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I had no idea at the time how far my cancer had progressed. Was given no information as to the type of treatment I would have or even if I had much time left to live. All I was told was that I had cancer and I would be scheduled for additional tests in January.

Any plans or aspirations I had of having a “good” or “happy” New Year was over. I was in for a hard year. If I had a the whole year.

So as I sit here, contemplating what to write about for the final blog of this year, the memories of what I went through this year feel a bit overwhelming.

This year was filled with…

CT scans, Surgeries, Ostomies, Chemo, and the inability to control or plan A N Y T H I N G.

Suddenly and with out warning my life became one of doctors appointments and contemplation. Not that I haven’t always been somewhat of a contemplative kind of guy. But when the word of cancer is posed and the prospect of dying is not far off but here, right now, today, things look different.

I resigned to not live out my days in fear. 

So I forced myself to walk and hike. Winded as I would become, I pressed further.

I was determined to give my kids a good summer. So we went on that Cruise anyway. I took my daughter fishing as often as I could. Even with the wind blowing so hard the neuropathy in my hands and legs felt like I was being stabbed by thousands of needles.

The port that they had put in me for the chemo meant I couldn’t shoulder a rifle. This was somewhat problematic when it came to things like hunting. There were things I was told in advance about and some things I simply found out on my own. I didn’t quite do everything, “right”.

Everything they say about Chemo is true.

At first, I thought people were full of shit. I was set on continuing to do things the way I have always done.

But chemo has a way of getting your attention in ways you don’t quite expect. I’ve never actually been physically hit by a train. But I am pretty sure after the second day of chemo it must feel just like that. Cause you just lay there and don’t really want to move.

And in your head you’re just like yelling at the top of your lungs, “MOOOVE!! GET. UP!”

My son, David, actually wrote a couple blogs for me on months I was struggling.

Keeping your business to yourself.

Just not talking about it. At first I just told my family and a couple of close friends. Then as time progressed I let people know on a need to know basis.

I simply didn’t feel up for answering all the questions. Most of which I didn’t have answers to anyway. The thought of it felt exhausting. It was hard enough navigating through the emotions of my family and myself. I really didn’t feel like attempting to console other people or to “keep them updated”.

So I simply avoided it. Kept things off social media. Did my best to keep up appearances.

What an absolutely interesting year

With tomorrow being New Years Eve, the prospect of new year rings different for me this year. I’d like to say that I’ve got a solid shot at it being a happy and good one.

But it doesn’t seem right to anticipate that. Because I don’t really feel like this has been a bad year. Even with the cancer, the treatments, the unknowns and impending death being a reality. I have still had other years that were much worse.

Seems funny to say that. But it’s true.

I honestly wish you a very Happy New Year. With everything that this next year brings. The good and all that we think to be bad. I pray that God gives you love and understanding. So that you too can look back fondly and declare, it’s been a good year! 

Salud!

Copyright©2024 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

***In case you were wondering, Yes, I am officially Cancer free. They caught it early and it was removed. Technically I was told chemo would be my choice. And I opted for chemo. I realize that would not have been a decision made by other people. Oddly enough, I did not suddenly feel the desire to “become an expert” on all things cancer related. So yes, I absolutely questioned my doctors. But no, I didn’t hold more weight in a internet video than the years of education and experience of people that clearly had a brain. 

****Did getting the Covid vaccine cause me to get cancer? Hmm, I dunno. I can say that the type of cancer I got takes ten years to develop. T E N. Y E A R S. Stop. Read that again. Math. Math again. So ya, probably not. I been walking around with this for about ten years and just didn’t know it. However, I AM totally up for receiving any monies paid out to covid vaccine recipients in the event of a mass government payout! (Cause we all know damn well those bastards cooked the books on that vaccine and they haven’t been givin us gospel!)

*****Is there a government conspiracy to prevent the cure for cancer? Um, I don’t think so. I think the healthcare system has absolutely no shortage of sick people. Not to mention there are literally thousands of variations of cancer. It’s been equated to having as many variations as the flu. So I’m pretty sure, under our current maxed healthcare system a “cure” for even ONE type of cancer would be welcomed. The money generated for that ONE “cure” would more than make up for any perceived “loss” of patients. 

******Am I going to write a book about it? Yeah. Probably. Having gone through it myself, I have discovered that I do have something to say about all of it. And now I have some real life experience to pull from. So stay tuned!