Years ago, I had some time to kill between my next appointments. So I decided to swing thru a small town that was kinda off the beaten path to see a buddy of mine that I hadn’t seen in a few years.

I pulled up just outside of where he worked and looked for his truck. It wasn’t out front so I jus figured he was out on a job or something. I went inside to inquire of his whereabouts. The lady at the counters face dropped when I mentioned his name. She said he had died five years ago.

I can still feel the feeling of shock and disbelief. It was unreal. Like it wasn’t happening, but did happen; five years earlier and I never knew. I felt angry. Like, she musta been mistaken. But she wasn’t. She promptly told me where I could find his grave.

Driving up the road to the cemetery I remember thinking to myself, I wanted ta come ta see you…but I didn’t expect ta be seein ya this way, ya fucker!

I found his marker in short order and on the marker was a small rock. On that rock were the words: “Shit Happens”. It couldn’t help but bring a smile ta my face. Standing there in that cemetery filled with emotions of disbelief, anger, frustration, sadness…that rock made me smile; cause it reminded me of him. My friend, that growing up and a life with responsibilities made things too busy to keep in touch with.

Later, I found out from his son that he had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. They could treat it for a while, but his quality of life would be poor and he wouldn’t add much time to it. So he rejected the treatment and instead emptied everything out of his retirement accounts, set up the people he cared about the best he could, and then traveled to Florida to drive Dale Earnjardt’s race car. He died a few months later.

The moment I heard it, I knew it sounded like something he’d do.

Talked ta a guy the other day who laughed when I asked him if he was on any medication. He promptly said, “Nope!” I was a bit surprised at that response due to his age, but I simply replied that it was great and he must be doin well. In which he responded, “Well, I’ve been prescribed plenty of medications…but I’m not taking any”. That response thru me a bit. That’s not the normal response from someone. So I asked why? If a doctor prescribed you medication, there’s probably a valid reason behind it, and you should take it. He just said, “Look, I’m 83, my wife died a year ago; if it’s my time ta go…I’m ready”.

The candor in his response surprised me….but I get it.

I often like to see the world in black and white. But it isn’t. The world is filled with gray.

There are some that spend thousands in an effort to delay or prevent death. They’ll drain their retirement accounts, sell their homes, spend every ounce of all they have in an effort to fight whatever it is they have been diagnosed with. Then there are others that simply embrace it. Some that accept what it is and let things happen…how they happen.

I’d like to say they are in some way they are being selfish. But I have known of many that have undergone treatment for sake of their families and not for their own accord. How selfish is it to expect someone to undergo a treatment to prolong a life unnaturally and against their wishes to satisfy your need for them to remain a part of your life?

There was a time I thought I knew the answer to that question. Now I assure you…I do not.

Copyright©2022 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

***No, I am not advocating for or against the “Right to die” issue. Yes, I realize that is a very emotional political debate. Ima simply sharing my thoughts, of experiences I’ve experienced and of things I have witnessed. It’s really as simple as that. There was no political motivation behind it. 

****Yes, I realize that this time of year brings up all sorts of emotions for people who have lost loved ones during this time. Of that, I apologize for how untimely it may seem. Just kno I meant no ill intent of it; and I wish you well.

*****No, I am not suggesting you forgo treatment or stop taking the medications prescribed to you. I am simply saying, this seems to be a part of life that few have any real answers to. In some ways, I think that’s a good thing. Perhaps the mystery of it helps with having peace with it.