My father came into my room and swung a belt at me. I promptly caught the belt in my hand, jerked it out of his hands, threw it on the floor and then hooked his leg and dropped him onto the floor. I was about 16 at the time. I had just got into an argument with my Ma and had pushed her out of my room. He had come in to settle the issue. Unfortunately he wasn’t prepared for the mood I was in or how I was intent on settling things. My dad was handicapped. Him standing upright with a cane was no small feet. So standing over him with the belt he brought in my hand and seeing the fear in his eyes; I felt no pleasure in it. But after that day he never approached me that way again.

Years later I opened the front door to my exes place and was met with a well placed punch to the chest. It put me back. It was a solid punch. It was unexpected. I was immediately pissed. With barely enough time to react I stepped into her house, full of rage, only to see my son, with fists raised, backing up, preparing for the onslaught that he assumed would be coming from his father.

The moment I recognized who it was, who had hit me, I stopped. I looked at him, looked him in his eyes, and said, “David…what are you doing?”. His eyes welled up. He was hurt. Angry. Ready to fight. His Ma and I had gotten into a fight earlier; and although up until that point we had always done well at not arguing in front of the kids, in that circumstance we hadn’t. David had overheard her talkin bad of me…and he was understandably pissed. He met me at that door ready to raise hell.

I stood there. Looking at my son. He was about 16 at the time. Hands raised, ready to fight. Tears in his eyes. My heart broke. I’ve never raised my hands to my woman or my kids in anger. Ever. I had no intention of doing that now. I said his name again. “David”…then I walked over to him and hugged him. He literally melted into my arms.

Boys growing up into men is the shit.

Women don’t get it. I’d guess they never will.

From the time my son was in diapers I never allowed him to hit his mother or his sister; even in play. I always told him it was unacceptable. Told him that he would grow to be big; that pound for pound he would grow to out push, out pull, out lift, out punch, his mother and his sister. That he could hurt them without even realizing it – in a blink. As unintentional as it may be, it wouldn’t matter, he was a male, so he would be expected to know better. So he couldn’t allow himself to lose control. He had to restrain himself, to protect them and to protect himself.

Boys learning how to be men sometimes gets messy. Holes get put in walls. Doors get broken. Glass gets shattered. Rage builds, reactions happen, and things get broken. It’s actually not a thought out or planned thing. It’s not an intentional thing. It’s simply the result of unfamiliar, overwhelming feelings coupled with a body of solid untested muscle…shit gets broken. Mistakes happen.

And unless you are a man, who’s gone thru it…you don’t get it. 

Women handle things differently. They approach things differently. They have no concept or clue of what it’s like to feel like a man or to be a man. As a result, they tend to make ignorant judgements or statements in regards to the behavior of men. Testosterone is a thing. It’s not an excuse. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But as a young man, it fills you with a rage that comes on so strong and so fast, that your reaction happens before you even are aware of what is happening. It’s not an excuse…but it is an explanation. 

So when I’m standing there…having just been hit in the chest by my son…I get it – and my response was love. No. I didn’t agree with or condone his behavior. I simply understood it. I understood why it was happening. He wasn’t a bad kid or a bad person. He was simply a young man trying to figure things out.

Every adult male that is regarded as a “Good Man” or is said to be a protector has gone through this. The learning curve of balancing your emotions with a body that is designed to deliver pain. A body that is designed to turn those emotions into reality. Men get this.

If you are fortunate enough to be raised with a father that can give you some insight into this, then kudos to you; because you actually have a shot at getting it right. Unfortunately, given the increase in single mothers raising young males, and the increase in dads not being present in their kids lives, we have a ton of young men being raised by idiot women who are clueless of what their young boys are going through. So they treat their adolescence as a disease, or worry about there being something wrong with them. It’s a joke.

My son, has learned to restrain himself and to be a man who protects women and children. So much so, that his sister likes to push the limits with him, because she knows, that he won’t assert his strength on her. It’s actually got to the point in the past where I have had ta tell her to stop, cause I could tell she was hurting him…and he just wouldn’t respond.

My son, was taught. NOT demonized…taught.

Understood…and taught; as a result, he is a good man.

I can only hope and pray that other young men are so lucky.

Copyright©2021 Jacob C. Larson All Rights Reserved

***If you are a single mom raising a boy, that boy should NEVER be allowed to hit you. Ever. Even in play. He should be told and taught about his body, how it will grow, and how he needs to learn restraint. Learn control. Especially when he is angry. 

****Recognize and acknowledge the difference between men and women. Don’t EVEN attempt to draw a correlation between the two sexes in this regard. They are simply not the same. The stats undeniably prove that. To deny that, makes you an idiot. Don’t be an idiot.

*****There is nothing “wrong” with your boy. He’s just trying to figure things out. He’s simply attempting to navigate into being a man. Understand that and help him. Give him insight, not criticism. 

******If you are a father reading this…be a man your kids can polish themselves on. Take the hits. Respond in love. My son hit me so hard it left a bruise that took over two weeks to heal. Looking at that bruise for two weeks made me thankful my father didn’t hold what I did ta him against me…he showed me love; and because of that, I was able to show the same. Show love to your kids, regardless of how hard they hit you. 

******This is how boys become men. Men that women can count on and rely on. They “test” themselves and their limits. Shit doesn’t always “work out” during this process. So buckle up, get a clue, and give them a break. ALL “good men” have an edge that has been acquired and forged in the fire of learning.