Today was a bad day. Bad. Day.

You ever put the time and effort into something for months, maybe years, and then see it fall apart in the matter of hours? Yeah, it was that kind of day. It was a cuss word every other word day. Like the meme says: The f*ckening, happened today.

And it’s not like you don’t know things can go wrong? Like, it’s not like you’re oblivious to the fact that life happens; but you don’t live your life expecting things to fall apart, right? I mean, if you did that, why would you attempt to do anything? We tend to do just opposite. We tend to have faith or hope…belief that things will work out; go our way. But sometimes they don’t. They just don’t. Sometimes regardless of the plans, preparations, the great expectations…things just turn to shit. If there was ever a day to give up, this was it. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

So you get to stand there, looking at the shit. Thinking to yourself…no way that just happened. But it did. It really did. You’re staring right at the shit. There’s no escaping it. It’s real.

I have never been one that went along with the down stream crowd. I’ve tried. I swear I have. I’ve got the suits, I’ve shaved, I’ve attempted to say all the right words, etc. It. Just. Doesn’t. Fit. Gotta wear a tie? Sure, I did that…for about a month; then top button stopped being buttoned, then my tie stopped being pushed up, then my tie just stopped being put on. They say, “Well, you got to send birthday cards and thank you notes, etc”. I made a list, I ordered the cards. But it just seemed sooooo insincere and not genuine. I think I sent one batch one month. I HATE Linkedin. I’m on it. I set up a profile. After years of people telling me to set up a profile. It’s literally the social media platform of snobs. Everyone is attempting to put their best foot forward, post things to impress, and just be pleasant. I struggle to even look at it. It’s like I click on the app to check it and inside I suddenly hear screaming in some horrible screeching voice.

I’ve thought about this. I’ve pondered this. WHY can’t I just go along? Just do what people are doing. Go to school, get a job, work the job, get a promotion, make the pay, don’t be stupid, and retire. Seems simple enough. There’s like, seven steps. But apparently those steps might as well be learning a foreign language while crawling through glass in the rain naked, because I’ll be damned if I can just do that.

No no no, not me. I gotta develop, create, build, challenge, expand, explore, RISK. Gotta risk. Ya know what happens when you risk? Sometimes, shit don’t work out.

So I’m standing here…looking at my shit. The shit that I created. What a shit day. And I think…”I will persist until I succeed. I wasn’t delivered into this world in defeat, nor does failure course thru my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to walk, talk, or sleep with sheep. I won’t listen to those who weep or complain, for their disease is contagious. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny. I will persist until I succeed.”

Og Mandino wrote that. Came across his books years ago and read them all. That’s an excerpt from one of them. I memorized it years ago. And today, of all days, I remembered it. Just popped into my head. Random. I said it to myself. Under my breath. Like a whisper…from the depths of my soul. 

Today sucked ass. But I’m not done and this project isn’t finished. So I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t care if what they is, is; or what is impossible, is impossible. I’ll have what I came for. I’ll get what I’m asking for. Over, around, under, or through; like water, I’ll continue my assault on this wall…until it comes down.

So that’s it. Nothing witty or profound. Just me having a bad day, and my way of giving the cosmos my most fervent middle finger. Salud!

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