Every once in a while I come across something that I think is unique. Stands out to me as different and catches my attention. I’ve never personally met Jay Cookingham or his wife Christine; but she recently passed away, and he has been sharing their story on FaceBook.

I’ve been on FaceBook a long time now. Seen many posts of people who have passed away. Few that I’ve known. Some are a shock. Others are an extended reminder of the pain this life holds at times. People offer their condolences then generally it’s put out of mind. But this has been different. This has been anything but ordinary. And after following the posts over the last few weeks, it became increasingly clear why.

It started out fairly normal with the post of her passing, but then Jay began journaling. Through status posts and “Live” videos. Sharing their story, his grief with friends and family; everyone on FaceBook. And it wasn’t long for me to discover…that this man loved this woman. I mean, truly loved her. Like…he couldn’t breath any longer. The light in his world was suddenly shut off. The very depth of his soul was weeping at the thought of spending the rest of his days without her and was in pain.

I could see it in his eyes. I could hear it in his voice as it struggled to speak through the tears. The beauty of his wife and the life they shared. The beauty of two souls touched in time. A connection, that once touched, rang out a subtle ripple soaring through the Universe, marking that moment, that very moment in time. Etched in the very fabric of Creation. Forever.

This was no mere meeting. This was purpose driven. Orchestrated. Their relationship wasn’t Chance. It was ordained.

He spoke of how they met. How they were married in June of 1982. How they had seven kids together. How he would occasionally ask her, over the course of their marriage, “Will you marry me again?” and how she would always say yes.

He spoke of intimacy. Only when he said it, he said it different than I had heard before and went on to explain what he meant by it. He said, “Intimacy…in to me see”. In. To. Me. See. Said that intimacy is often not understood or grasped as it should be today. That when you are intimate with someone, it doesn’t mean it’s just a sexual thing. That being “naked” with someone had more to do with sharing an emotional connection. A sharing of the minds. Being truly “exposed” meant to be totally open with someone; “raw” with your feelings, your joys, your pain, etc. Sharing with that other person the “inner” you. The one no one else sees. That you open yourself to that person, sharing your darkness, sharing the “who” of who you are. Giving them, and only them, permission to truly see, the you that is you. Accepting that…and loving them anyway.

What a beautiful thing. Some what of a concept that I think is lost. That’s not the type or level of intimacy we see or hear about today.

To meet someone and share that connection, that chemistry, that willingness to be open and real, I think that’s a rare thing. I think that is something many people desire, yet fail to obtain, because they are too caught up in the societal definition of what intimacy is. In to me see…you are willingly giving someone permission to see inside of you. I wonder how different relationships would be if more people took the intimacy with their partners to that depth? Weren’t afraid to be exposed or tell the truth? Knew that there was one person, one, that knew them better than anyone else in the world. What an amazing thing.

After a while, Jay started mentioning how people were probably getting “Grief fatigue” with the amount of posts and videos he was posting talking about his wife. He thought maybe people were maybe getting annoyed or bothered by it. Frankly, I thought more people needed to hear what he was saying. More people needed to hear how a relationship between two people should be. I thought with each status post, with each video, Jay was declaring to the world, giving the world his permission…to see. See the love, the joy, the pain, heartache and share the grief of the loss and their life together. So, “grief fatigue”? No. What an honor.

When it says in the bible, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)…surely this is what it meant? Surely, this couple is a prime example of that.

I private messaged Jay and asked him permission to write this blog. Promised him I wouldn’t use any profanity and that I would allow him to read it first and change what he wanted before I posted it. He gave me permission and only asked to read it once I was done.

I wanted to write about these two because I think the message of their marriage together is one people can learn from. I wanted to write about them because I wanted them to know that their lives together had an impact far beyond just the two of them. I wanted to write about them because after hearing of it, I wanted to climb to the tallest building and shout from the top of my lungs, “THIS!”…this. This is the Quan. If you’re striving for anything in this life, strive for this.

So with a humble heart, I say to Jay and Christine Cookingham, thank you for allowing me to see. I pray I’ve done you both well.

 

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