I stepped out this morning and I could smell the change in the air. Summer is ending and Fall is coming. Soon the leaves will begin to change. I can feel it. Won’t be long now. In the next few weeks Summer will offer up one last rally of a season that came on too quick and will be over way too soon. Then Fall will begin, slow at first, subtle changes, barely noticeable, if only that faint scent caught in the wind of those tune to recognize its whisper.

The year will be coming to an end, and I will undoubtedly be reminiscing of the goings on, wondering how I’ve done. Did I make the best of the time I had? Did I do what I needed to do? Was I the rock I needed to be for those who needed a rock? Did I show compassion when it was required? Did I handle the cards that life dealt me with mercy, grace, wisdom? Did I do my very best with the time I was given? Am I a better man for it? I think these thoughts every year. I can’t escape them. I’ve tried. But every year, like clockwork…my mind wanders when the season is cold and I’m haunted by the memories of the year I’m leaving behind.

Try as I may, I have never managed to capture it. Time simply takes its quarter unquestioned and without permission. Dreams, plans, expectations, great as they may be…are all at its mercy. Commanded at its will, Time rules them all. And I am bitter for it. The relentless beckoning and unrequested orders of time.

Occasionally, there is a brief moment in the year when it slows to what can only be described as the rhythm of a heartbeat. Such a soft and subtle lullaby. Whispering the necessary medication to heal the soul. Just enough to encourage, provide the hope to continue. A unspoken reminder of the length of the journey. So you settle in and embrace it for as long as it last….hoping that with every ounce of strength in your being you can grip it tighter, obstructing its path as it wanes. Yet the tighter you attempt to grip it the faster it goes. Until at last there’s no delaying it, stopping it, it’s just gone. And just like that, it’s a memory. Archived in the records of the year. With a number attached to it.

Peace, be still. Appreciate the process, my mind tells my heart. There was a time I was so sick of the mundane. Wanted free from the daunting task of tending the routine. How long those days seem from me now. Hints of something new around every corner. Surprise and the unknown is the new normal.

And so you simply stand there, straight faced with no emotion, slowly nod as you tip your hat, and whisper to yourself, “Way it goes…”.

Acceptance. Enjoying the moments as they come in the time and moment they come. Present. Not easily dismissing the times where the stars align and the heavens smile on you. Simple to some. Small. Insignificant times that people tend to ignore. Suddenly…seem bigger. Have more value. Mean something.

How foolish we live. The things we take for granted. You can’t go back. You can’t take it with you. You know this. Times and opportunities lost.

And yet, even as I write this, my mind is fighting to delay these thoughts, if only for a few more months. It’s too soon, it says. There’s still a bit of this year left. And my heart replies, Yes but we need to finish this year strong; so be present. Don’t miss it. Breath it in. Feel what’s left with every ounce of your being. Relish in the joy, pain and beauty of it all. For soon enough, it will be assigned a number and away it will go…

 

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