I know you have been watching. Wondering. Waiting to see if your father was going to write something for you. You haven’t been forgotten. I have noticed you. You have been remembered. Thought of. Daily.

From the moment you were born you have had your brother and I wrapped around your finger. Falling over ourselves in an effort to do what you wanted or get what you needed. One sad look from you of dissatisfaction and we were at our feet, ready to remedy whatever was needed to bring that smile to your face again. It wasn’t until your mother mentioned, “Your little girl actually needs to learn how to do things for herself”, that I thought better of it. You’ve always had just a way about you. The ability to command armies with a look or a simple request. The intoxicating mystery that captures the hearts of men that is woman.

18 and next week you graduate from High School with Honors. It’s surreal. Hard for me to wrap my head around. But there’s no mistake my little girl, the one that used to sit on my shoulders, has grown up. Grown up into a beautiful young woman. MY little girl…my little monkey, that used to follow me around wherever I went, like a little duck. Over logs and through brush. Stopping when I’d stop, listening when I’d listen. Always keeping an eye out.

I never knew how to do it any different. I was excited to know you were a girl before you were born. But to be honest, I didn’t really know what to do with a girl. Wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew it would be different than raising your brother sure, but I didn’t really know how. Your father literally had zero experience hanging out with little girls prior to you. It was unchartered territory for me. So, I kinda just went with what I know. Not always the best, when it came to little girl stuff, I guess. But you never seemed to mind.

I was a bit surprised and relieved that you enjoyed building stuff. Truly. I always had imagined it would be your brother and I building stuff in the garage. But he never took an interest in it and you did. You were always right there, short little muppet, right by me, cutting, sawing, hammering, gluing, and fashioning whatever it was we were making. It’s hard to express the joy I feel in that. Being able to share a craft that I love with you.

In time, you seemed to come of the opinion your father could build anything. And I’ll admit, that thought tested my ability at times. You’d draw me a picture or show me a photo of something you wanted to build and I never wanted to say no. Never wanted to tell you it was beyond my scope or ability. Sometimes, I’d surprise myself that we were able to pull it off. But we did. Many times. You just had that confidence in me that I needed, I guess.

Fishing, hunting, tracking….that’s all I knew really to do. So that’s what we did. The conditions weren’t always right. Sometimes it was cold, or wet, or the hike was long, fish weren’t biting. But you never declined going. Always just hung right in there.

I learned all the songs to Barney. You loved that purple dinosaur. Sang them to you every night when you were little. I’m not ashamed of it. I kinda grew to like that big purple stuffed weirdo. But only because you liked him.

So you’re a young woman now…but my thoughts are lost in memories. Anytime I’ve had any free time I’ve spent it with you and your brother. He’s been grown for a while now, so it’s just been me and you. Now things will change. I know they will. As they should. Your life is beginning. Time to test your wings. Our time together will be less. I know. It’s ok. This is an important time for you. But I’ll miss it.

Life won’t always go the way you want or expect. Sometimes the curves you’re thrown won’t always seem bearable. But I want you to know, I’ll always have your back. I may not being able to fix everything, but I’ll always be there to help you through it. Whatever it is. We’ll deal. No worries.

Always be true and honest in your pursuits. A woman of honor and integrity. Be that source of compassion and sincerity that this world needs.

Know that your opinion matters. Has value. Never be afraid or ashamed to share them. You may not always be right, but never back down from expressing what you think. Any man worth his salt will welcome that. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong. Ask for forgiveness, and be willing to forgive. Don’t hold grudges. Let it go.

Mind your internal dialog. Hear my words. Let my voice be the voice in your head. You are a good woman. You are ok. There’s nothing wrong with you. The world may try to beat you down. Turn you into something you’re not. Don’t allow it to happen. Keep your heart. Keep your innocence. Guard it and protect it. Forgive yourself. Remain a soft spirit. Don’t allow the words of the people around you to define you. KNOW who you are. You are MY daughter and you matter. You have value. You mean something to me. I love you. Always.

Your brother and I have been, and always will be, your horsemen. Bound to do your bidding. You may meet someone who has passed your vetting process. That’s good. But you know your fathers mind. If the need warrants it. Never fear telling me the truth of it. Then let us do what we know to do. Every available resource within my power will be utilized. Use us wisely.

I pray that you’re at peace. I pray that your future is filled with joy and laughter. May your days be long and full of blessings. I truly hope that you are given all the best in this life. Go for it. All of it. Whatever you dream, whatever your heart can imagine. It’s there. Take it.

Nicole Larson….You are a beautiful young woman, you make me proud and you will always have the heart of your father. Always.

 

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